April 30, 2018

Influencers

I was a style blogger. For 4 years, I ran a blog that I’m not sure anyone would call successful, but it kept me entertained and kept my creative juices flowing and some people read it. I would occasionally write about larger topics, but I mostly kept myself confined to , “here go some shoes,” and “you can wear this jacket everywhere!” and “here I am at an event I secretly had no desire to attend, but there are people who do this here and this is apparently something I do now.”

During that time, I came to realize a couple of things about myself. Neither of which make me sound super good to be honest, but here we are so – I guess I’ll share:

This first iteration of my blog was a struggle. I wasn’t sure why it felt like so much of an effort. It was supposed to be fun, right? Truth be told, I always felt a little funny about it – even though I very much enjoyed reading blogs of the same nature from other folks. It never really felt quite…me.

 

I began to realize that:

  1. I wasn’t actually into style blogging, per-say. I was into what the other successful bloggers I kept up with had – their creativity, their beautiful images, their lives (or what I perceived to be their lives). I was trying to basically make myself into them because that seems to be what others thought to be beautiful and cool. I was inauthentic.

 

  1. I was too timid to say the things I really wanted to say. The thought of not being accepted because of it scared me. I didn’t want anyone to not like me.

 

What it ended up boiling down to, really, was influence. I had long felt a pull, a call maybe, to share my faith. I still have these desires in me – to write, speak, sing, about faith & encourage other women to live their best lives in a Jesus loving manner. And it still freaks me out a bit. But I was being held back by my concern for self & image.

Here’s where it changed for me: I realized that the desire to influence can be a tricky thing. The desire was there, but I ended up turning it toward myself & my opinions & my likes & dislikes. Some folks can handle that – can be the subject without being consumed by it.

My world began to become too “me” focused. About how I couldn’t afford the things I wanted to shoot in & couldn’t keep up with my counterparts in content.

In my creative endeavors, I could either present people with me – a flawed human who is super cool who ocassionally  wears cool things, but can’t solve their problems or heal their brokenness or give them joy or do any of the really important things my heart wanted for people.

Or I could use my creativity & penchant for finding good lighting to influence people towards, not just an answer, but the answer. Someone that is much greater than me and who can give them more than I ever could.  

 

Don’t misunderstand –  I will always love a good sneaker and a lewk – but what I want my life and words to point towards is what sustains us when all that is gone. We all have influence, especially here on social media – how are you using yours? What does the sum of your words, actions and images point to? 

How are you influencing others who will influence others?

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