About a decade ago I had to find the answers myself. A few years out of college, I was pretty unhappy – I felt like real life was not at all what my college experience told me it would be. As I settled into the rigamarole of “adulting” I thought, “this is it? This is where I’ve been striving to be all this time? Booo…this sucks.” That’s where this journey started.
There are certain questions in life we should all be able to answer. I have three for you that, in having conversations with some of my fellow millennial ladies, it seems like many of us haven’t stopped to consider or, they have been considered but still exist without answer. They are simple, but imperative. Whether you are single or married, I contend that these questions are vital to you. And do not only deserve a brief consideration. The pursuit of the actual answers should be a priority:
1. What do you like to do?
This seems like a simple question, I know. You may know the answer. But for many of us, we get caught up in the rigmarole of “adulting” and don’t stop to consider this. What things do you enjoy doing? Cooking? Reading? Downhill skiing? Carpentry? What is something that you like and would do for the sake of just doing it because it puts a smile on your face? Not a side hustle or a business idea or something you’re “supposed” to do.
2. What do you appreciate about you?
What do you appreciate about the essence of who you are or about the person you’re becoming? What parts of your personality can you call out and say, “you know, I’m not perfect, but I like that I am_______.” Level headed? Creative? Thoughtful? Observant? Good at relating to people? What is it about who you are that is awesome to you?
3. What brings you happiness?
Can you define it? What are some things that just make life better when you engage with them (that don’t necessarily involve other people).
You owe it to you to find the answers. Go out into the world and try things and go places and talk to people and find them. Go with friends. Go alone. Just go. Literally find them and then create space in your life to actually do them.
I learned after those first couple years out of school is that it was my responsibility, and only mine, to build myself a rich life.
If you’re a single woman who wants to get married, or a woman who is trying to build a brand or business, or find the right career, or buy your dream home – there will come a time when you get everything you wanted, and there will come a time that you will feel unfulfilled – even with it. Life does not begin when you find a spouse or finally get whatever thing you think you need, it begins when you choose to live it. Once you do that, then you have something to share with someone. It’s dangerous and unhealthy to expect another person to fill that space.
The answers to these three questions are your failsafes. They will not fix everything, but they will give you somewhere to land, to center yourself, to be ok, to have something of your own & to be in charge of your own happiness.
You are always in charge of your own happiness. With or without a partner. Making coin or paycheck-to-paycheck. If you love your career or loathe your job. Whatever. It is not life’s responsibility to bring you happiness.
There are certain things God’s not going to do for us, but He will strengthen us to do. I think God does care about our happiness because He cares about every aspect of our life, and in Him we have joy through any situation because that is based on eternal things.
Happiness, though – which is based on the things that happen in our everyday life – falls to us. If you find yourself in a rut where you go to work and come home only to dread going to work again – even if church is a part of that routine (which is still key) – God gave you a whole big life to live, how much of it are you actually occupying?
Take time to choose you. Answer these three questions and then decide how to build a life that reflects the answers. Start to choose you.
What are your answers to the above questions? Do you know? Drop em in the comments.