I can already feel disdain seeping into your soul based on the title post and you’re right:
This world is full of a whole bunch of people telling single women what they need to do, who they need to be and what they need to look like in order to get a man. It is, in a word, exhausting. So don’t smash your computer or mobile device just yet: this ain’t that.
As someone who gets the privilege of ministering to single women often and who was one until the age of 32, I do have a bit (and I do mean a bit – since experience varies and such) of insight into this nuanced issue.
One of the tropes I see played out online constantly when someone dares to say something to one sex is the inevitable comment: “yeah but what about (insert opposite sex here)?? They do/don’t do/say/don’t say the same thing!” or “They always talk about what we should be doing when they do (insert thing that specific person thinks the opposite gender should or shouldn’t be doing.)”
So, rest assured, this is not about what single women should be doing in relationship to men. It is also not what men should be doing in relation to single women because, while I have some ideas and occasionally get to speak on them, I am not a man and so they gonna have to figure it out for themselves this time. Whether they, as a gender, get it together or not (and let me assure the couple of you that are wondering, there are absolutely guys out there who do have it “together” and that is between them and God – just like it is for the ones who couldn’t spell “together” if they saw it on a flash card). You can certainly encourage the men with which you have influence – but everything else is out of your hands. That should be freeing.
Now, I know we take umbrage these days to the whole “you should be preparing for marriage” idea. And I totally get it. There’s more to you than that. However if you do, in fact, desire to be married one day, there are some things you can do that will help you be ready for whenever that day comes. That’s just practical. I would urge anyone to prepare themselves as best they can for a big life change. That’s another post, though…
Again, that is not all of who you are and I would never urge you to focus all of your time and energy on that idea. You should be out here being the best you because God created you to be the best you so that you can glorify Him. And that’s whether or not a ring reaches your fourth finger. That’s literally what CAH is about.
So, I’m here to take the guesswork out of it for you. What should single women do? Here is a non-comprehensive list as to what you, single lady, should be doing at this point in time (in no particular order after #7):
1.Loving & pursuing God
2. Serving God
3. Studying the Word
4. Strengthening your prayer life
5. Engaging in a healthy church community
6. Having challenging conversations with mentors
7. Pursuing healing
8. Getting a degree (or not)
9. Working hard
10. Starting a business (or not)
12. Roller skating
13. Buying yourself flowers a la’ Miley
14. Learning to cook
15. Getting out of debt
16. Binging a Netflix show before the password system changes
17. Getting your nails done
18. Learning to salsa dance (IYKYK)
19. Saving your money
21. Moving your body
22. Taking pictures of your food to post on IG
23. Taking yourself to lunch or dinner or breakfast
or brunch or snack or 2nd breakfast
24. Going to Karaoke
25. Taking naps
26. Making friends & hanging w/ the ones you already have
27. Finally taking that one class you’ve been wanting to take
28. Staying off of Tik tok (that scroll vortex is real)
29. Going on Tik Tok a little
31. Greasing your Scalp
32. Minding your business
33. Laughing. A Lot.
That is to say; besides the first 7 items on the list (and, I submit, also items 30-34) there is no general answer to that question. I mean, those are the answers. Everything that lands in the middle is open for substitutes and swap-outs. And, when you have on your heart to think about what your next relational season might be, still do #s 1-7 (and 30-34).
Life is big and rich. And, while I absolutely remember the troubles that accompanied single-hood (I even wrote a book about a lot of ’em) please don’t feel like you only exist in juxtaposition to your singleness. Those who go on to feel fulfilled are those who use all seasons of life well – and every season has its place. Don’t miss the fullness of this one stressing about things and people out of your control. You’re too cute for that.