Listen, I’m one of you, ok? what married people get wrong about being single
I’m a married, too. I was also a single into my 30s, which was a gift (although I truly didn’t see it that way for much of the time. Much.)
Because singleness isn’t that far out of my memory, I gotta be honest, I get sufficiently irked by some of the things singles must endure at the hands of well-meaning marrieds. I know we are just tryna help ya’ll, and, for those of us in healthy, God-centered relationships, we can be a wonderful asset to our single friends. But we can also be mad annoying. what married people get wrong about being single
Here are 3 things I think marrieds get wrong about singles:
They do not want your early-married advice:
Now listen, as stated above, we definitely have some wonderful things to contribute in the way of relationship experience. But, honestly, if you were married shortly after you dipped your big-toe into adulthood waters from the throws of adolescence – read: between 18 and about 24ish – a single 25yr old and up probably doesn’t want to hear your advice on how to be single. what married people get wrong about being single
It’s not because you are not a wonderful, wise, amazing human – it’s just navigating singleness as an adult is it’s own special something and, if you haven’t been there – you haven’t been there.
No shade. Congrats on the early blessing of marriage. That’s wonderful in itself in many ways. But, the singles may not receive from you about how to wait for their spouse…since you know… you didn’t have to wait.
This doesn’t apply to all of everyone. I have known some pastors & ministers, for example, who have an anointing to talk about this sort of thing regardless of when they were married. But, as for the general populace of early wedding havers…probably don’t.
Putting all the focus on preparing for a spouse:
Is it good to prepare for marriage. Yes. Should that be the focus of single life. No. Somewhere someone is clutching their pearls.
Putting all the pressure and focus on preparing for a mate establishes the idea that the purpose of their time is to achieve marriage. That’s not the case. Preparing in that manner is certainly a thing one should do if they desire to get married, but it is not the reason for the season.
Stay with me.
The goal of your single season is actually pretty similar to the goal of any other season – including being married: preparing for eternity.
As believers, our life goal is not to get a spouse, it’s to live a life pleasing to Christ and prepare for an eternity with Him. For all of us. Young. Old. Single. Married. Mom. Dog mom. That is the call.
2 Timothy 1:9-10
9 He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.
It just so happens that, as an unattached human being, singles are able to dig into that purpose in a meaningful and freewheeling way – and that’s cool. That should be celebrated.
But, marrieds, let’s be mindful of the messaging that the most important focus is preparing for a spouse and put it on holiness. Not for marriage sake, but for holiness sake.
Treating singless like a formula to be solved:
First of all, nobody likes math. Oh..what? I’m getting word that some people do, infact, like math. Ok, well good for you smarty pants. I guess I’ll move on.
But truly – sometimes we can make it seem like all you have to do to get a spouse is this and that and the other thing and if you don’t have one yet you’re missing a part of the mathematical formula for spouse-gettin.
There are no magic beans. There is no 5 step plan. Making a list (while exceedingly helpful & invaluable if you do it right – which I do break down here) will not draw your spouse to you.
Only God knows God’s timing, and His timing is perfect. The reason the math ain’t mathin for someone right now might just be that it’s not time.
There are certainly some things one can & should do to get them to a place where they can be a healthy spouse once that part of life pops off – but there is no guarantee of when – or if – that will happen.
And if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s likely not because the single human in question has done anything wrong (as long as they’re growing in God, wisdom, and life – that’s all that’s needed). It’s just because it hasn’t happened yet. And if you don’t know why, don’t make up an answer.
Just be there to lend an ear, wisdom when you can, and help them have the most fruitful season possible.
What else goes on this list?